Thursday Morning

Bonjour everyone!

Still in bed! I'm just taking everyones advice and sleeping for England. Not long, just 5 to go and then that's it. I must sound like a stuck record (apart from down to 5 days!) but it's all that matters (or rather seems to matter) at the moment. For the last couple of years my friend Martin and I have had a countdown to the end of the season on our laptops. The winter seasons are great fun but tough at work and on May 1st we'd have a small celebration and welcome the summer - which we both love. We both had a giggle about it the other day and decided that we wouldn't countdown anymore. Ever. This is why we now have Best thing Today instead. I prefer that as it means EVERY day matters to you/us/me. You can't get 'em back so have fun as you can.

Nick and Dicky kindly took me in yesterday and the the trip was filled up with the exciting news that Dicky is buying a 39ft yacht called 'Forever Changes' and going to sail her around the world. Wicked! If any of you want to learn how to sail - he's your man by miles. For me it's great to have targets and Jeanette and I are defo going to visit Rich and 'learn the ropes.'

No probs at the Buzzymachine. Just in and out, no delays. 5 to go. Counting on one hand is great you know.

Here is the much anticipated installment from Linz..

The man looks in the mirror and doesn’t recognise the person he has become. An unfamiliar, battle scarred face stares back at him, bearing the marks of the healing treatment. He is not happy with what he sees, so he writes to tell them this and waits for their response…..they read what he writes and they are surprised too, for each of them carry memories of the man that are as clear now as the day he first passed through their lives. As friend, neighbour, colleague, son, or brother, they can see him before them. They write to reassure him, and joke with him, to tell him what they see and how they remember his face. It is not simply the placement of the features, it is how the eyes light up with recognition or understanding, the way the mouth moves as it talks or laughs, the million different ways he responds to those around him. We can see you Ali, for who you are, beyond how you feel right now.

You're a star linz.

Love

Ali

Ps. My brother will try and post a comment that I've had a pedicure. Please ignore him....it's not and will ever be try.

Nice though :-)

Wednesday Morning

Bonjour everyone!

I'm still in bed and it's 10am...great! Yesterday worked out to be a super day in terms of how I felt and structured the day. It was simple. I woke up at 6am, wrote my blog and generally messed around on my laptop, had breakfast at 9am, went straight back to bed and slept until 3pm!! Awesome. I'm learning so much about my body, it really needs so much sleep at the moment. Once again, Alison was right but I guess I needed to see for myself. Now I'm staying in bed unless I need to be out of it. Funnily enough the sun is shining through the window today and all the web cams are showing snow in France..awesome. Today is good.

My friend Paul kindly took me for a late session last night. After a great cake in Bebos in Welwyn we made our way. The appointment was supposed to be 6.30 because one of the machines was out for servicing. We got there at 5.30 and the waiting room was empty. Doh! No fear one of the girls came out and got me, in and out. 7 went to 6 and we had the quickest zapping of all time. Great. I'm really happy. Top journey home......thanks Paul.

I got home to have a shower and looked in the mirror. Now, I've never been the most handsome of people but I'm a bit messed up at the moment. My hair has fallen out around the sides - it looks like a flat top style cut. The skin is red now (and a itchy, itchy, itchy), there are the scars of the holes where they put the brain biopsy cradle on my head, there is the brain biopsy bore hole scar and finally I've got hamster cheeks (thanks for the description Tony...spot on). Good job I'm engaged!

So, I feel much, much better and that, I am sure, is a result of more sleep. I'm not moving from my bed here until I've slept some more. I've just told myself to sleep as much as I can and it's great.

I guess my head will clear up but they're not sure my hair will grow back....doh! Least of my problems though.

Love

Ali

Tuesday Morning

Bonjour everyone!

My treatment is at 6.30 this evening so I won't have much to report until then (other than that 'the machines are running late again'). Actually, I'll probably be sleeping when I get back so if I do a short blog now I hope that will suffice. My ears are burning now. They really are. It's pretty much exactly where the radiation goes in so they are flaking, dry and red. The aqueous cream is awesome though (thanks Alison) but I think I'll need to be sponsored by Ecolab to get a few months supply because my ears really are burning! I can't stop mum from keeping rubbing in the cream (or rather won't stop mum). I hope my hair grows back.

Dr Wilson suggested that I might perhaps miss my afternoon sleep and then sleep through from bedtime to morning because at the moment I'm struggling a bit with sleep patterns. I'm currently enjoying falling asleep at 9pm, going through to 4am then nada until my car trip home the next day. So, last night was comical but better.

At 8pm mum and dad had to prise me from the sofa because I was away with the fairies. I tried to call Jeanette but made no sense to her at all and the last thing I remember was Jeanette saying "Put the phone down now!" So, I did and that was it. I woke up so many times but 'slept' through to 6am yippee! Great - can't wait to bring on the day although I can hear rain against my window....again!

7 to go. Paul is taking me today, we'll have a cuppa in Bebos in Welwyn then go and get it done then that's it. 6 is much less than 7!

This is something that my friend Sally wrote on the message...

"There's no thrill in easy sailing when the skies are clear and blue; there's not joy in merely doing things which any one can do. But there is some satisfaction that is mighty sweet to take, when you reach a destination that you thought you'd never make"

Wow!

love

Ali

Monday afternoon

Re-bonjour everyone!

I'm just back from the zappy place. Cor, I didn't feel well from the moment I got out of bed. Just dizzy and really out of balance so Julia and I went to see my Consultant Oncologist Dr Wilson who was kind enough to see me pretty much straight away. I've absolutely no complaints about the way I've been looked after at the hospital...brilliant.
Well, the problem is all that radiation that they're zapping into me. I really, really hope it works after all this! Think Shrink now please!!

Massive thanks to Julia for the sausage sandwiches, Kettle crisps, cherries and TURKISH DELIGHT! mmmmmmmm

I fell asleep in the waiting room again and yes, 'The machines were running late again....doh!'

I forgot to remind you all this morning that we're down to 12 milligrams of those horrid steroids. Yeah! Good job because I'm getting chubby again. Dr Wilson said that arm and leg muscles waist on them and that's why I'm struggling a bit. Well, we all knew this was going to happen so...keep on keeping on and fight the good fight.

There's be a small party on March 10th when the steroids finish and you're invited!

Here's a little message from my nephews Charlie and Archie...... http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=JMyjbZu1HeI

Love

Ali

Monday Morning

Bonjour everyone!

All you lucky people with a Bluebird day in France, I hope you made some good turns for me (and Russ!) I defo want to hear about the good days so keep it coming, makes me even more excited about coming home! Seriously, I can hear the rain against my window!

Just a quick one really but this comment made me laugh....

Mate,
Best wishes from qll here in frqnce; wont write ;uch due to stupid frencj keyboqrd: beqt dqd qt golf so thqts good1; See you on zednesdqy with dicky M: think shrink:

Fqtnick:

And this one made me think...

People walk in and out of your life every day.......only some leave footprints on your heart
all the best mate tough times don't last, tough people do

Thanks Malc

Thanks for all your comments from around the world, I'm ready to start the last full week now. I've got, as always, a super team taking me to and from the Royal Free starting with Julia and my packed lunches mmmmm! Kettle crisps rock! Paul is taking me tomorrow (Bebos for tea as well mate?), Fat Nick and Dicky on Wed for the afternoon session (can't wait!) Dad on Thursday but no Porsche garage on the way home! Mum for just being there and bringing the lovely tea!Finally, I have a new team members joining on Fri in the shape of Lucinda who would have done another one but I was sleeping in Hospital! Can't wait Luce!
My 'support team' have been brill in taking me up, trying to park in the small parking places, having hot chocolate, waiting, watching (I make everyone come in and see what happens!) then driving me home when I'm sleeping. Special mention to Phil for his endless help and drives up, and to my bro Si for driving our left hand Golf through Hampstead (you made it look easy!)

Love

Ali

Sunday Morning

Bonjour everyone!

Cor, I didn't realise how much the radiotherapy gets to you. Saturday is defo an off day because I think it's just the cumulative effect of the radiation that hits you. I was a bit embarrassed because Phil, Tim, John, Dino and myself went for a walk around Verelamium Lake and I had to sit down half way round because I was out of breath. No kidding. My legs were like jelly when I got back to the car (and I fell asleep in the car on the way home...again!) But it was super to get out, have some fresh air, see the sun and have a chat with the lads.

I'm sleeping really erratically now and I'm tired pretty much all the time. I could just about get up the stairs to bed last night, sleep for 4 hours and then awake for 4. I've discovered BBC iPlayer which is fantastic and so I'm watching re runs of Qi in the early hours! See, something good has come from this little bit of bad.

8 days to go. I'm surely counting the treatments. Middle of next week and we're done.

I know Think Shrink will work. Cor, it has to after all this hassle and zapping. They're doing it for a very good reason and that is that this WILL WORK.

Speak tomorrow

Love


Ali

Friday Evening.....8 to go!

Bonjour eveyone!

Sorry for not blogging yesterday, I was absolutely drained and had to have some serious sleep. I think It was a combination of a great day with Nick Bernie but also the Gang Show in the evening. Many thanks to Bob for looking after me and getting my ice cream at half time but also Ewuan and the Gang for putting on the best Wednesday evening show I've ever seen or been in! The last song brought a lump to our throats Ewan - very, very meaningful and it's helping tremendously.

It was brilliant to spend short bit of time with Tony, Andy, Tristan, Nick and Si again.

So, yesterday I really did sleep for England. It's funny that those in the know at the hospital (Super Alison...again!) tell you that you're going to be tired, you don't really take much attention, until you really are tired. Then you take notice but it's too late! I'm really tired now. I've never sat down to clean my teeth and I just sit everywhere I go. Getting up is a nuisance now and I groan a bit which makes me sound like an old man. Speaking of old men, I haven't seen anyone younger than me at the radiotherapy dept. They're all much older. I must be special (or in the wrong waiting room!)

Lindz wrote the loveliest thing. I have to blog this because it's special. You all care so much that it really does touch me. Thank you so much.


Part two

The man gets off his bike and sits down in the tunnel, he rests his head against the concrete wall. He is so tired, he doesn’t know if he can go on. He knows that the mountain is stretching above him and it feels like a heavy weight pressing down on him – he closes his eyes…Think shrink, think shrink, think shrinkIs that his own heart beat or is it a voice? A small voice but a voice all the same. He hears a tapping keyboard, and a worried voice at the back of his mind ‘where is Ali, why hasn’t he updated the blog’ think shrink think shrink. Around the world friends are logging on, trying to make a connection, fumbling with the unfamiliar technology as they rush to leave their words of support. Tap tap tap go the keys, think shrink think shrink. The voices are all different, not all are speaking English, but the message is the same.The man gathers enough energy to open his eyes, he looks down the tunnel and sees a tiny pin prick of light, was it there before? He is not sure, but the more he focuses on it, the brighter it becomes. He stands up, swaying slightly at first and holds onto the metal frame of his bike. He feels stronger and steadier, he concentrates on the beat and begins to pedal, think shrink think shrink. He is off, heading towards the end of the tunnel and the fresh mountain air, counting down as he goes….
10 January 2008 13:31

Linz


Love

Ali